Being IMPERFECT

Extra boozing never really made me feel real good....neither did the stuffs like online chats and net surfing comforted me anyway. I needed a sleep but was strongly resisting that since a couple of nights. Early morning when the old ferryman was going out of his slum towards Ganga, i just felt like walking with him. My impulses never betray me and when half of the city was busy sleeping,  i almost fell in love with the seducing cold of Kolkata. Last night had been really miserable , the dim lights were tired of consoling me...and i was tired of convincing....Yes! i have been convincing myself more than anyone that life should be "PERFECT". I kept on asking myself a thousand times that why do we need to make things perfect? i believe that the answer never came to me, may be because i was too scared to live with the truth. I always wanted to do something that made me happy...i had the courage to start but could never make a proper ending. And today overcoming all my fear i opened the back door of my house...and just felt the fog. Shivering in the biting cold of the city, i started my journey to Ganga.. I was heading towards KASHI MITTER'S ghat. without cell phone, purse and past.
When i reached there, the ferryman recognised me and was surprised  to see me bacause nobody but the morning walk folks were seen there at that very hour in the morning....i had to go through a small interview and the ferryman (if was educated enough) could have been a tough competition for the journalists of today.I somehow managed and escaped him and went for a stroll.....the cold stairs attracted me and i sat there....the approach of the sky was different. No commitment of sun was visible, and i felt that last night was disturbing me again.....though the feeling was better....i wanted to know more...it had nothing to do with the river or the sun or the ferryman...all i needed was to know myself.....a little better...
                                                  Last night for the first time i realised that i am tired of making things perfect....dad wants me to fly abroad for masters....mom wants me to get married to an eligible
bachelor of my choice in a few years......my boyfriend is immature enough to declare an engagement......but i don't think i am prepared for either of these...after a dozen of fags....and a frozen head, i preferred to keep things as they wanted to be....but failed to resist a sip of the morning winter.
                        It is almost 7.30 and i am lying on the boat( i managed the ferryman for a ride and promised to pay him back when he goes home in the evening).....lying beneath the sky....i felt once again that i was very much dear to my own self...and i cannot deny that i love being IMPERFECT.....and will always love being that....Cheers to life!!